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Why Your Self-Esteem Should Flow from God

Born: March, 1960

Born Again: June 14, 1986

     I am the youngest of four children and was born in Nampa, Idaho. We moved to California when I was about four or five.

     I guess my parents always drank, but it never really became a problem that I noticed until I was around eight. One Saturday morning my dad came home drunk and proceeded to play Russian roulette in front of me. Three times he spun the cylinder of the gun and three times he pulled the trigger with no results. Things just seem to get progressively worse at a rapid pace. It’s easy for me to look back now and see everything that was going wrong and the direction things were going, but at the time it was pretty much a way of life.

     From the time I was eight until eleven years old things became a lot more violent. I just never knew when my parents would come home drunk, or what was going to happen, especially on the weekends. Strangely enough it was my mother, all 98 pounds of her, who was the violent one. On December 27, 1971, she shot and killed my dad. Two years later she died at home throwing up blood, her liver destroyed from drinking so much 90 proof vodka.

     My life took pretty much the same course as theirs except I was on the accelerated program. I took my first drink and smoked dope for the first time when I was 12. It’s easy when you have older brothers and a sister who party and a mom who hides booze everywhere. Not too long after, my mom passed away. I tried to kill myself but it didn’t work, so I proceeded just to party even more. I had an "I don’t care attitude". I quit school when I was a junior and got my GED. I joined the military thinking this would turn my life around. It didn’t.

     Selling dope had become a way of life for me to support my habits and I got involved in many different kinds of drugs. I met my wife while in the military and she was a little party animal able to drink most of my friends under the table. Two years later we got out of the military and moved to the San Francisco Bay Area where I was from. In 1983 my son was born. I had a beautiful wife, beautiful son, was self employed, growing dope, and I thought I had finally attained my goals: lots of money, lots of dope, and lots of parties. Then why was I miserable? Thoughts of suicide came back to me. Why live if I’m not happy?

     On June 14, 1986 at an evangelistic crusade in Sacramento, California my wife and I accepted Jesus as our Lord and Savior. Driving home that night I knew something had happened. The next day we dumped out all our booze, beer, threw away all our drug paraphernalia, and tore down the greenhouse. I WAS FREE! No withdrawals, no nothing. Now it was just pure freedom and love that I had never known before. Life changed radically.

     All these years later Jesus is more real to my wife and me than ever. All our kids have been raised with the understanding that the most important relationship is the one you have with Jesus. The Gospel works. It’s the only thing that works.

                                                                                                - V.Y.

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